I recently had one of those awesome mommy moments. It wasn’t about a goal my children had achieved, nor was it about my ability to gently persuade them to see life from my perspective. Although both of those could fall under the category of awesome.
No, this was much different. This was a light bulb moment, an “Ah-ha” moment, a moment of clarity that 18 years of motherhood can bring. It was a moment of dueling emotions, each one vying for my attention. A moment filled with joy, at the realization of the depth of wisdom gained through parenting. A moment also mixed with sadness, wishing this nugget of knowledge had struck earlier in the parenting journey.
To all the moms out there with young children – I remember!
I remember wishing my kids would get out from under my feet and let me cook dinner. I remember praying for a few minutes of peace and quiet, with no Barney blaring in the background. I remember feeling annoyed when the boys would interrupt my house cleaning duties, seeking my attention and approval. I remember hoping I could find some time alone, for myself, to be just me….and not mom.
Sadly, somewhere along the line, without me even realizing it, all that I previously wished for became my new normal. From toddler to teenager, in what now feels like a blink of an eye, I no longer have kids under my feet, no background noises, no interruptions.
Sometimes I sink into the silence and solitude with a sense of peace. But mostly, I wish my boys were around more, and I don’t just mean at home, but in my physical space, interacting with me.
Last week I was cooking dinner and being kept company by Dr. Phil, when my 15 year old bounced into the kitchen and asked if he could work on a project at the kitchen table. While this may be a typical occurrence for mom’s with younger children, those with teenagers know that most of their kid’s work is completed in the teen-cave (aka – bedroom).
Without a moments hesitation I exclaimed “Of course, the table is all yours”, with the level of enthusiasm I would express had I been asked if I’d like to get a massage, or go on a week’s vacation to a tropical island. My kitchen table was instantly turned into an arts and crafts work station, complete with paint, yarn, scissors, styrofoam balls, glue and the like. Dr. Phil was replaced with Mumford & Sons and Imagine Dragons. What 10 years earlier felt like an interruption, now felt like an honor and a privilege. Yes, my 15 year old wanted not only my attention and approval, but also my advice.
The energy in the room that evening was different, in all the right ways. When I could no longer contain the joy and gratitude I was feeling, I blurted out “I love having you down here with me”, to which my son simply flashed his big brown eyes and smiled at me with a knowing, a wisdom that a 15 year old shouldn’t have, but he does.
My heart was exploding with love!
Love – that I had the ability to recognize the magic of this moment. Love – that I could be grateful for this time together, regardless of how short it might be. Love – that as my kids grow up, so do I, in so many ways. Love – for the honor it is to be a mother, to be the mother of the two boys I get to live this life with. Love – pure and simple!
with Joy, Gratitude & Love,
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